The Partner in Depression
It is like hell on earth already for the person suffering from depression, and for the family, spouse and friends around him or her, it is perhaps like hell in a burning rage. For those who’s partners are suffering from depression, perhaps you can find solace and encouragement from my partner who has been supporting me through the whole ordeal as I banged my head on the walls, cried for hours, or tried to take my own life.
Here’s an interview with my spouse, who took care of me in my depression and other physical illnesses, on how he felt and how he coped:
Did you know she was depressed at the beginning? How did you react at that time? How did you feel?
At the beginning I knew something was wrong, but just thought it was stress or culture shock. At the time I just wanted to find a solution and was happy for Noch to stop going to work etc. I felt frustrated because I couldn’t make her better, and any logic I tried to use when speaking with her seemed to fall on deaf ears.
What was your reaction when Noch diagnosed with depression?
I think I was relieved, because once diagnosed I felt we could start to treat the illness properly. I didn’t have any problems with her having depression, for me it was just a sickness like having the flu. I even joked with her that all celebrities etc. have depression and need therapy and it quite trendy to be depressed.
What was the effect on your daily life?
The effect on my daily life was the biggest impact and was a challenge to deal with. Noch would burst into tears and have severe mood swings which I didn’t know how to deal with. I tried to say the right things, but it hardly ever helped. Then I would get frustrated and sometimes lose my temper and become angry. I’m a positive person and the worst part of all for me was that Noch would bring my mood down. I would get up and be excited about the day, but she just wanted to die, this was very hard for me to reconcile.
The migraines and associated physical illnesses also made it difficult for me. Sometimes I would have to leave work or a party and rush home to take care of her. One time I came home and found her semi conscious and the bottom of the staircase. I didn’t know if she had fallen or hit her head or what happened, so I had to carry her to a taxi and go to the hospital. The other hardest thing for me to do was to put Noch’s needs first. So even if I was at an amazing party having the time of my life, if Noch called and needed me I had to leave immediately without even saying goodbye to my friends. This took a bit of time to get used to without feeling resentful, but once accustomed to it I felt a sense of responsibility I’d never felt before and it helped me grow up.
How did you feel?
Overall I just felt frustrated. There really wasnt anything I said that helped the situation. I just had to be there. When the therapist first said Noch would need a year of treatment I thought that was way too long and an exaggeration. In the end it did take a year.
How did you cope?
I had hope.
Eventually I learnt to manage the situations as best as possible. So even if we had to rush to the hospital, I may take a few extra minutes at home to pack myself a few books or change into comfortable clothes. This made it easier for me to deal with the long stays in hospital. I learnt to watch for signs that a migraine was coming and take steps to avoid the triggers, and pack medicine and water all of the time. Also I learnt what treatments I could offer her. When she was crying and wanted to die and couldn’t sleep it was useless for me to tell her that everything would be OK and that life was worth living. She just couldn’t see my point. Instead I learnt to distract her with fairy tales and stories I would make up. I would sing her to sleep with nursery rhymes and relax her with massages.
Did you want to give up? Why did or didn’t you?
When Noch and I were on totally different wavelengths and she was bringing me down and I felt resentful I wanted to give up. I think i kept just saying to myself ‘lets give it one more month and see how she is” and I managed to get through. I was confident that it was a temporary situation. I had known Noch for 1.5 years prior to the depression and she was such an amazing person, I knew that with time she could get back to that point. I also felt like the depression would make her stronger and be a change agent in her life and so maybe was a necessary evil.
We lived together and had just moved countries together and were therefore in a committed relationship. So this helped too as I was committed to taking care of her no matter what. I think if it had been a less serious relationship I may not have been able to stick through it.
What advice would you give to other people whose partners have depression?
This is a tough question and it depends on the type of relationship and the stage of the depression.
Firstly you need to seek medical advice and treatment through medication and therapy. Be prepared to be taking medication and therapy for at least a year. We were very lucky in the fact that our insurance covered the medical bills and after trying a few therapists we found a very good one. I advise doing single (for each partner) and couple therapy and don’t settle for a therapist who you are not comfortable with!
Dealing with depressed people takes a lot of energy and commitment, you need to be prepared to put that person first and be in it for the long-term, i.e. you need to be in love.
If it is not a relationship built on true love and commitment then I would advise caution in being involved with a depressed person. If you do decide to end a relationship with a depressed person I would also suggest you seek advise from a professional on how to end or manage the relationship. Obviously a sudden breakup with someone who is depressed could exacerbate the situation and there are risks of suicide etc.
To all the partners and family of those in depression: there is hope, do not give up on the sufferer and find your encouragement from other people going through the same experience as you.
Депрессии и Неврозы Лечения Через Быстрый Сон Перевода
The unconscious mind that produces your dreams provides you with free psychotherapy in all dream images. Once you master the dream language thanks to my lessons, you will be cured from depression or neurosis through fast dream translation.
Dream translation provides you with a fast treatment that will easily help you find sound mental health. I will translate the meaning of a young woman’s dream to give you an example.
We must know a few details about her life in order to perfectly translate the meaning of her dream.
Denise lost her job because someone else bought the company where she used to work. Everything dramatically changed in her life. She is looking for a new job now, but she cannot find a good one. She is constantly depressed and angry.
Denise dreamt that she was driving her car and she was running too fast. Then, she was at her sister’s house with her sister and a man she didn’t know. In the beginning she thought that he was alive, but later she saw that he was only a ghost because he became almost invisible. Suddenly, a big snake appeared in the living room where they were. Denise didn’t know what to do.
First dream image:
‘Denise dreamt that she was driving her car and she was running too fast.‘
– The car represents the dreamer’s life in dreams. Therefore, the way that she drives her car is the way she drives her life.
– She was running too fast, what indicates that she was in danger; she could suffer from an accident.
At the same time, the dreamer couldn’t pay attention to what she was finding in the road because she was going too fast. She was not really seeing what existed around her.
Second dream image:
‘Then, she was at her sister’s house with her sister and a man she didn’t know. In the beginning she thought that he was alive, but later she saw that he was only a ghost because he became almost invisible.’
Denise’s sister is a part of her personality that has the same characteristics of her sister’s personality. We must know how the dreamer characterizes her sister, or what her sister reminds her of, so that we may understand which part of her personality the dreamer’s sister represents.
Denise says that her sister has a restaurant and she works too hard. She believes that her sister worries too much about making money, while she could have a better life with the money she already has.
– Therefore, Denise’s sister represents an insensitive part of her personality that is like her sister, who doesn’t care about having real satisfaction in life. Her sister cares only about making more money, without having a pleasant life.
– The house in dreams represents the dreamer’s psyche. Since Denise is at her sister’s house, this means that the unconscious mind is analyzing the dreamer’s behavior when she is controlled by the part of her personality that is like her sister.
– The man she ignored represented her animus, in other words, her perfect match.
A ghost in dreams represents a neurosis. Denise’s perfect match was a ghost in this dream because her perfect match became a neurosis. This means that the dreamer didn’t look for her perfect match in life. The fact that she simply accepted living alone was an absurd attitude imposed by her anti-conscience, the wild side of her conscience.
In other words, Denise suffers from a neurosis because she didn’t pay attention to her feelings. She refused to give importance to her emotional life.
Denise had this attitude in life because she was avoiding her perfect match. She was afraid to be rejected, or she was afraid of her rivals. Perhaps she had a serious love deception, or she was rejected by the man she loved. Therefore, she decided to live alone instead of being threatened by the various dangers that threaten a love relationship.
Now, let’s analyze the third dream image:
‘Suddenly, a big snake appeared in the living room where they were. Denise didn’t know what to do.’
– The snake represents a bad event that will put an end to a certain mistake that the dreamer is making. This mistake would generate tragic future consequences. Therefore, even though the snake represents a painful situation, it works like medicine. It puts an end to what was bad and would become even worse in the future.
The appearance of the snake in the living room informs to the dreamer that she lost her job due to divine providence. She had to pay attention to her feelings, and stop avoiding her perfect match. She had to transform her personality and become self-confident. Otherwise, her neurosis would become a severe mental illness in the future.
In her next dreams, the unconscious mind will show to the dreamer how she can find balance and stop suffering. Denise will eliminate everything that is negative inside her and develop the positive characteristics of her personality. Therefore, instead of being insane and suffering forever without any hope of salvation, she will find sound mental health, peace, wisdom, and happiness in life.