What Is Depression?
Wikipedia defines depression as a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behaviour, feelings and physical well-being. There may be a loss of interest in activities that once were pleasurable. There may be a change to appetite – a loss of appetite or over-eating. There may be insomnia or excessive sleeping. There may be loss of energy and unexplained aches and pains. There may be contemplation of self-harm or suicide. For all these reasons, it is important to understand that depression is real – it is a medical condition.
For me depression has always been quite physical. A weightiness. A darkness. And a familiarity such as you might feel with a loved animal come to share your lap.
But what is depression really? Perhaps it would be easier to eliminate what depression is not.
Depression is not about having a bad day, a ‘blue’ day. That is actually just normal life! The difference is how long those feelings last. Because they shouldn’t last for days or for weeks…. or for months. And if you suffer from depression, they do indeed last for long, long days…
Neurotransmitters in the brain help nerve cells communicate. These neurotransmitters are called serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. And these substances can change and get out of balance. Why? The reasons are many. It could be an illness. It could be hormonal changes. It could be medication. It could be ageing. It could be the result of an injury.
Or, it could be a reason which is not so easy to understand. A failed business venture. The death of a loved one. The ending of a relationship.
Whatever the reason, the change in the way that the nerve cells communicate, the change in the balance of the chemicals produced in the brain, results in what is called depression. The imbalance is a chemical one. The condition is real. And whether it has been triggered by something tangible or something not quite so tangible, it is diagnosable and treatable.
Depression knows no boundaries and has no favourites. It affects people of all ages, genders, races and socio-economic background. Is it reaching epidemic proportions? Consider this – by 2020, it is believed that depression will be the second most common health problem in the world.
So if you suffer from depression, know that you are not alone. And know that there is excellent help and plentiful resources available to you now.
Can Reiki Heal the Root Cause of Depression?
Depression is a mental or psychological disorder that changes the emotional state to doom and gloom and affecting how a person physically functions and interacts socially. Different types of depression include major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, bipolar disorder, seasonal affective disorder, postpartum depression, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and atypical depression.
Having mentioned all the types of depression, medical research and studies have been conducted to determine what causes depression. The pharmaceutical industry has a pet theory that the brain’s deficiency of serotonin is the source of depression or in a more general/basic term, a chemical imbalance in the brain. This theory was created when depressed people are found out to have a reduced amount of monoamines (i.e. serotonin and norepinephrine), which is a certain type of neurotransmitters. Unfortunately, this chemical imbalance is more of a symptom than a cause. To appreciate it better, a simple explanation is that these low serotonin levels is a result of carrying out more negative contemplation and seldom participating in activities that gives an individual self-contentment or happiness. In this regard, there really isn’t any study yet that has conclusively confirmed or substantiated the exact or precise root of depression.
Others perceive depression as a biological disorder but it is not nor is it a virus that can be acquired or passed on by others. In the 2003 book edition of “Human Givens” by J. Griffin & I. Tyrrell, it was often repeated and emphasized that depression is not a disease neither a chemical imbalance. They have described depression as an individual’s spontaneous response to specific emotional introspection. In the absence of a defined or a clear cut explanation and understanding of the cause of depression, people somehow stick to the closest or nearest medical explanation there is.
Recent statistics about depression is very alarming showing that there are an estimated 70 million people who suffers from its symptoms that includes but not limited to uselessness, having a hard time sleeping, feeling of moroseness, lack of energy, and poor attitude toward life. These and other symptoms lead to destruction of oneself starting from being pessimistic, lacking enthusiasm and having no initiative. As a result of these negativities, the body and mind receives and also sends out negative energies. Illnesses, disease and other medical conditions are sometimes a result of this situation. Other consequence may be despair, irrational or thoughtless decisions and actions which the individual later on regrets.
As alarming as it sounds, each individual must take heed to lower the figures and to prevent it from increasing it more. While the cure is different for each depressed individual, the common goal is to reverse the condition and give back the normal life that each and every one of us deserves. With its different causes, there are spiritual ways that will help pull the depressed people up from the situation they are in and be able to live a vibrant, happy and full life.
As explained earlier, depression is not a chemical imbalance. It is not a cause of depression but merely a symptom. Having said this, some people say and believe that it is all in the mind or it is a state of mind. The individual being in a state of depression has lost connection to what eternity, bliss and knowledge is really all about as part of quality of life. No medication or science can really be a solution to changing and overcoming depression because the point here is that attitude and behavior are the ones in question here.
To see a more holistic view of depression, the following should be taken into consideration as causes or part of the cause of depression:
a. Medical Factors – Physical or health factors can trigger a person to have a different perspective in life or mental disposition in life. They are starting to feel and think negative thoughts and eventually stop trying to feel positive about their condition. Hormonal imbalance, improper diet, weak nervous system can hamper one’s positive outlook in life.
b. External Factors – Social status, culture, system, traumatic experience or as simple as the weather can be causes of being depressed. People do sometimes get sad and depressed when it’s cloudy or raining. There is just something in the weather that attracts melancholy.
c. Emotional or Psychological Factors – Mistakes that one can’t get over with are also a cause of depression. When a person tends to dwell on guilt and mistakes that can’s be undone, surround themselves with negative people, holds grudges, jealousy and envy will likely to have depression.
According to an associate professor (Harold Koenig, MD) at the Duke University Medical Center, spiritual force and holistic healing plays a significant role and cannot be ignored as a variable in helping patients cope with depression. Studies have revealed that strategies which include spirituality or religion provide a better result as acknowledged in the American Psychiatric Association annual meeting conducted last 2002.
This remarkable result paved the way to see spiritual support in a different light. One should then pay attention to a patient’s beliefs and spiritual practices to better find the right solution or cure for them. Although spirituality is not the sole answer to depression it is indeed a great help if not curing it 100% then at least making it in a lesser degree and eventually solving it.
Here are some ways and tips on how spirituality can uplift a person from the depressed state of mind:
Analyze the root cause of the problem – To determine the real cause, one has to reflect and spend time over the concern. It may even take days and it would be helpful to take note of thoughts and have someone who can help you find the root problem.
Right cure for the right problem – Once the root problem is determined then one can already address and find the right solution. If the problem is physical or health-related then you can go and see the doctor to resolve the difficulty or the pain that triggers the depression. Exercise, nourishing diet or strengthening the nervous system by relaxation or regular prayer can help out in giving you the energy for a more refresh and invigorating physical and mental individual that aids in overcoming the weak body and depressed mind.
If the problem is external, emotional or psychological, one should avoid habits that are undesirable. Try to live a simple, pure and righteous life by associating or surrounding yourself with the right group of people or friends who has the same values, spiritually inclined and has only positive outlook in life. These people will help you face your difficulties and problems to be free of the negativities that you have been holding on to.
Helping Your Teen Through Depression
We all know the teenage years can be difficult, with unaccountable mood swings, periods of apathy, rebelliousness or anger. We have all been there, so it is nothing new to us. That’s why it is easy to miss the signs of stress and anxiety that can lead to depression in teenagers. We need to be attentive to what they are saying and to the way they are acting.
Take time to listen
The most important thing we can do to help our teens through depression is to take time to listen. At the start it may be hard to get them to open up, as they might be used to us in our parenting role of correcting or admonishing rather than just listening. They may not be used to the idea of our listening in a caring, non-judgemental way. In fact, our relationship with them might be one of their problems. They might feel they cannot talk openly to us because we would not understand. In addition to that, they may feel foolish and think we will make light of their problems and not take them seriously.
Hopefully, with kindness and patience, we will be able to build understanding, so we can help our young people get through this difficult period without any longterm effects. Once they see we are giving them this respect and are willing to work with them to get through their issues, they are more likely to trust us. We can then give them real support. If we cannot build this trust we need to find someone who can. They need someone to listen to them and to take their concerns seriously.
Here are some other things we can do:
- Encourage them to do the things they like doing
- Make sure they are eating properly and going to bed at a reasonable hour
- Praise them when they get things right or do things that are positive – build their self-esteem
- Encourage them to get help from a professional. The family doctor is a good place to start, but some might prefer a stranger. If this is the case, talk to your doctor and get them to recommend someone else. Maybe they can refer a professional who is experienced in dealing with teenage depression. Go with them so they do not feel alone
- If you cannot influence your child to go for help then you should go to get some guidance as to the next steps you can take
- Any talk of suicide or of people who have committed suicide should be taken seriously
- Any actions which have a finality about them should be taken seriously – giving away special possessions; meaningful goodbyes; getting affairs in order
In helping your teen through depression, you are really trying to change your child’s view of the world from a negative to a positive one. Mostly, you will be able to do this with love, understanding and patience, but if you feel the whole problem is getting beyond you, call in anyone who may have some influence on your child. Look for people with a special relationship – a school counsellor, a family friend or a favorite relative. Even if your child objects to involving these people, you still need to do it, as it could be matter of life or death.
How Losing Weight Can Provide Help for Depression
Did you know that help for depression can come from something as simple as losing weight? A review of thirty-one studies on weight loss by American researchers presented evidence that depressed obese or overweight individuals who shed pounds also end up shedding symptoms of depression, as well.
Lest you think it takes the loss of significant amounts of weight to improve your mental and physical well-being, studies show noticeable improvements can be achieved by losing even a small amount of weight.
Even though most research into weight loss doesn’t usually take subjects who are suffering from depression into account, it is a well-known fact that obesity presents an increased risk factor for depression.
Researchers were interested in what the 31 studies documented about depression symptoms prior to, and after subjects lost weight. The total amount of weight loss, along with which weight-reducing methods were used, were also analyzed.
According to their findings researchers learned that improvements in symptoms were greater with programs based on healthy eating and exercise than even medication. This finding remained true no matter how much weight was lost. Experts believe the reason for this may be a built-in threshold level of weight loss that’s sufficient to improve your mental state without the need for additional weight loss.
Additionally, it is a well-recognized fact that exercise stimulates the release of endorphins which increase serotonin levels. This brain neurotransmitter is known for regulating mood. It is also thought to play a role in the prevention of negative thoughts and to provide a natural shield against stress.
One point the authors of this study wanted to make clear was that any help for depression achieved by weight loss should never be used as a substitute for treatment in cases where individuals are seriously depressed. However, in some instances, the research indicated symptoms of depression can be eased by losing weight.
An individual who achieves a fitter, slimmer body through weight loss often experiences a positive impact on their physical and psychological well-being. This can translate into increased confidence and optimism for their lives.
Nowadays, people looking for the most effective ways to lose weight have a vast array of methods to choose from. A wide variety of gastric surgeries, special eating and exercise programs, as well as, behavioral therapy to understand deep-rooted issues with food, allow the obese person to choose a program which is best suited to their particular needs.
Suicide Prevention and Social Media
“Walk into any American high school classroom and the odds are that two of the young people before you will have attempted suicide over the past 12 months.” This is according to Jack Heath, president of the Inspire USA Foundation.
It is very unsettling to consider that more than 24,000 suicide attempts are made on college and university campuses around the United States, annually. These alarming figures are provided by the Journal of the American Medical Association.
In fact, according to US government statistics, suicide is the second leading cause of death among 25- to 34-year-olds. It is also the third leading cause of death among American 15- to 24-year-olds.
The experts attribute the causation factors for college age suicides as stress of school, finances, and relationships. These, among others, are certainly enough to get most college students feeling depressed about life at a time that already brings with it the many pressures of adult expectations as well as academic and social challenge.
Here’s the thing… most college students contemplating committing suicide are not likely to include their line of thinking in their Facebook status updates. Among those that have, lives have been saved by online “friends,” who recognized what was happening and immediately intervened to avert horrible tragedies from taking place.
Case in point. Resulting from her quick response, actress Demi Moore helped save the life of one of one of her Twitter followers, who was contemplating suicide. By keeping her engaged with Tweets, Moore enticed enough clues for other Tweeps to figure out where this woman lived. Police were dispatched to her home, just in the nick of time. (Source: NEWS WIRE SERVICES DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER – Saturday, April 04, 2009)
In another case that snagged international newswires, a 16 year old British youth sent a suicide message to a young girl in Maryland. This eventually led to White House and British Embassy involvement via calls from the Maryland state police. Both governments assigned special agents to help track down the suicidal young man before he took his own life. As a result, a life was saved, due to the Social Media. (Source: The Telegraph (UK), Thursday 21 April 2011)
Virtual communities, especially those geared to suicide prevention, can bring together groups of failed attempters of suicide; their family and friends, as well as field experts, locally or from around the world. Everyone’s contribution to the overall conversation and the valuable of their input allows for the sharing of important information and the creation of supportive relationships.
When people feel connected to and supported by others and encouraged to be who they really are – as they do in virtual communities – they build a safety net around them that may help protect them when they are feeling despair.
Fortunately, not all of the virtual communities forming to deal with suicide prevention are coming about by happenstance. Recognizing the value of the online world in helping to provide a conduit for expressing psychological and emotional issues, professional associations and academic institutions are introducing their own communities and resources into the greater mix.
According to the information provided on its home page, “ReachOut.com is the flagship program of Inspire USA Foundation, a national 501(c)(3) non-profit charitable organization. Through its virtual community, ReachOut integrates youth-generated, expert-reviewed information and real-life stories with opportunities to connect with others in a supportive, safe environment.
People across the Web are connecting with SAMHSA’s National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK), thanks to Lifeline’s presence on social media sites. It is a beacon of hope for many people contemplating suicide and their families on whichever website it appears.
On the academic side, my own alma mater – Syracuse University – is using a grant from the SAMSHA, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration to create “gatekeeper training” for its residence life staff and health services staff on how to prevent suicide and perform successful crisis intervention. Syracuse’s “Campus Connect” program has served as a model for other colleges and universities. In addition, the school’s free “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” series has been hailed by medical journals for providing emotional coping skills to deal more effectively with stress, according to the school. A social marketing campaign, at SU, has focused on changing the stigma of mental health issues and increasing the awareness of its counseling center.
Syracuse joins other colleges and universities such as Penn State and Michigan in forming these online suicide prevention initiatives. Student counseling centers are calling for more suicide prevention programs to deal with a growing number of troubled students from around the country and abroad. The more tools they have on hand, the more suicides they may be able to prevent.
While recent studies by psychologists have warned that Social Media, itself, can contribute to social disorders and mental illness, it is refreshing to also hear about the many ways Social Media is impacting the field of psychology in a positive way and saving lives through its role in suicide prevention.
Discover the Role of Diet in Depression
Is it possible that your diet is causing you to be in depression? Or is that just one more thing to be depressed about?
Did you know that recent research has revealed a strong link between depression and yeast overgrowth, especially amongst people who have had long courses of antibiotics, experience persistent, unresolved digestive problems, and often experience yeast infections such as Thrush.
How could this be? Are they related in any way, and if so, which comes first, the depression or the yeast overgrowth symptoms.
First it is important to say that current science is not in agreement that there is a direct causal link between the two conditions. But, let’s follow the possible pathway to see if it feels familiar for you or someone you know.
The symptoms of yeast overgrowth, or Candidiasis, are not always obvious to begin with, and you may simply be feeling not quite well, suffering some mild form of the conditions we’ve come to learn indicate a yeast problem. Simple discomforts as bloating after eating, minor aches and pains that don’t go away, perhaps, mild diarrhea, all of which are a good indicator of Candida overgrowth. Not recognised for what they are, they only get worse, and the resultant craving for more sugar and more carbohydrates is the worst thing for your body.
Because you don’t realize what is going on your diet is most likely to get worse as you feed your cravings, and before long you are developing nutritional deficiencies leading to changes to your hormonal system. These changes further weaken your immune system, as well as producing a flood of brain chemicals, which eventually disturb the normal balance of your mood-regulating chemicals in your brain.
So, on top of not feeling your best physically, your brain is operating in an increased state of anxiety and depression. Does this mean if you have Candidiasis you will also suffer depression? Not necessarily. Latest genome research has identified a specific gene related to depression. If you have the gene, then under the right conditions, you are likely to be depressed. If you don’t have the gene, you may have less of a depressed reaction. The important issue is that an overgrowth of candida yeast can very quickly create the right conditions for significant changes in the functioning of your brain.
This may not be exactly how your traditional doctor views depression and yeast. You would most likely be told that there’s no scientific connection. But the evidence of individuals who suffer from both yeast overgrowth and depression is overwhelming, and in most cases the experience of these people is that there depression is relieved once they begin an anti-yeast regimen.
The best part about yeast as a possible cause, is that there are no downsides to tackling yeast overgrowth. You will feel physically and emotionally healthier within weeks. So what is there to lose?
Bipolar Depression – Description, Diagnosis And Treatment
Bipolar depression, as what the name implies, is the periodic alternation in a person’s behavior. This is characterized by two mood extremes: mania and depression. A person may experience a period of mania- an intense feeling of being “high”, elated, invulnerable, and unlimited energy. This is usually followed by a period of despair, gloominess, and hopelessness that are all characteristics of depression. The intense swinging from highs and lows may occur in as short as a few days apart, or they may occur stretched out over a period of years. The depression periods are usually longer than those of mania.
A lot of creative individuals are rumored to have bi-polar disorder. It is said that the elation and motivation that they felt during manic stages are responsible for producing their most unique and creative outputs. The painter Van Gogh is one famous example. Another one would be Robert Schumann, a 19th century composer, whose musical outputs showed that he was at his most prolific during bouts of mania.
Symptoms differ from person to person. A person’s manic periods may be less extreme than another’s, the same goes for depressive periods too. Even mental health experts have troubles diagnosing it. Some may even experience having manic and depressive episodes occur simultaneously! Bipolar disorder is then further divided into types depending on the number of manic episodes. However, the definitive lines between these types still remain unclear.
To diagnose bipolar disorder, one must have experienced the aforementioned alternation of depression and mania, to be attested by family, friends, and those who are in close contact with the person. The symptoms should be verified by a psychiatrist, or a clinical psychologist before one would have the confidence to correctly diagnose with bipolar disorder and receive treatment.
If left untreated, bipolar disorder can have a profound negative impact on the person afflicted with this disease. It takes the right motivation and positive thinking to know that even though bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition, it can still be controlled.
Lots of people who are bipolar have lived useful and creative lives. Treatment ranges from psychotherapy, support from loved ones, cognitive behavioral therapy, and psychoeducation. Medication such as lithium carbonate can help stabilize the moods. Another is sodium valproate which is also an anti-convulsant. It usually takes a combination of therapy, medication and support for bipolar disorder to be effectively controlled. Also an overhaul of one’s lifestyle choices, like more exercise and eating healthily, were found to be quite effective.
The most important thing to do if you or someone you know is experiencing bipolar symptoms is to seek help immediately.
Surviving Grief and Moving on With Your Life
It is difficult to live a life without some form of regret. By the time that you reach adolescence, you probably have developed a substantial list of things you wish you hadn’t said, hadn’t done, or failed to say or do. Then by the time you reach your middle age years or even later in life, that list seems to be almost encyclopedic in size. Furthermore, we often have others – who may think that they are well-meaning – who communicate by telling us that the reason that we need to do or say something is to satisfy others. And, if we don’t, we will be sorry later. Yes, parents, teachers, and preachers show their concern for us by installing the most damaging and long-lasting feelings of guilt.
People who live with excessive guilt are missing out on life. They are not living in the present – and they have very little idea of the excitement that the future may bring. They are stuck and are certain that they will never be happy. Incidentally, this normally means that they define their happiness by the actions of others – rather than realizing that they have a choice.
I rarely see a guilt-ridden person without finding out about the long list of other problems in their life. These come in the form of addictions – such as smoking, pornography, or drug abuse – and self-soothing behaviors as manifested in excessive body weight or rather self-centered behavior. They may not see themselves as being self-centered, but believe me, others will see it quite readily.
If you live your life with guilt-ridden patterns, most likely the learning process started early in life. Your brain develops in stages, with the frontal areas not completing development until you are around 25 years of age. So, as an infant or child you did not possess the ability to intellectualize disturbing events or the efforts of others to manipulate your behavior by making you feel guilty. Therefore, those parts of the brain that were already available to you – such the emotional areas in its center – coped by triggering reactions to stress and fear. These patterns then continue through life and well until your senior years – that is, unless you seek counseling or other treatment to escape the bonds of a life with guilt.
It is possible for those suffering grief to get hope and some respite from the physical and emotional difficulties associated with guilt. While some people will need professional guidance, I realize that for many people the situation is bad enough that they need some help, but not enough to justify the expense of therapy – if it is even reasonably available.
Cannabis in Anxiety and Depression
Medical use of marijuana can be very beneficial in chronic pain management, cancer, AIDS, glaucoma and multiple sclerosis, but smoking weed? Not a good idea, especially if you suffer from anxiety and depression.
There are numerous studies into effect that marijuana has on us, but the results are contradictive. Some of them say that weed can have an antidepressant effect, some that it may cause your anxiety and depression, panic attacks or even paranoia, psychosis and schizophrenia. The opinions also vary between claiming that cannabis can have a sedative effect or be a stimulant.
The information is so confusing because cannabis is very individual drug with individual side-effects. Here are just some of them:
– It affects short-term memory, concentration and motor function;
– Impacts limbic area of the brain which is responsible for your emotions and behaviour;
– Distorts perception;
– Cause difficulties in problem solving;
– Makes you more susceptible to infections, affects your heart and respiratory system;
– Lowers the frequency of your alpha brain waves which usually allows you to go into state of light relaxation.
Although it’s unclear if marijuana causes mental problems, worsens them or helps with them, there are some facts that we know and can draw conclusions from:
– at least 10% of young smokers of weed develop psychosis;
– marijuana increases your risk of psychiatric disorder by 30%;
– cannabis predispose you to schizophrenia and can cause a relapse in those who are already schizophrenic;
– cannabis are linked to anxiety and panic attacks, paranoia and depression.
OK, now we know some of the side-effects and some of the studies results, and it looks like marijuana use is definitely not good if you have anxiety problem or experience panic attacks. Paranoia? Psychosis? Predisposition to schizophrenia? Distorted perception and difficulties in problem solving? Definitely not a good combination for your anxiety. Reduced frequency of alpha waves responsible for your ability to relax also doesn’t help. So if I were you I wouldn’t touch cannabis if you think you are suffering from this particular mental health disorder.
What about its effect on depression?
Well, in depression your brain chemistry is already messed up so as your emotions and motor functions according to the list of common depression symptoms. Although there is no prove that marijuana causes or worsens your depression, it looks like it doesn’t help too. You basically add up to the problems you already experience so you have to work twice as hard to fight your depression.
What do you think of this? Please, share your thoughts and experience!
The Partner in Depression
It is like hell on earth already for the person suffering from depression, and for the family, spouse and friends around him or her, it is perhaps like hell in a burning rage. For those who’s partners are suffering from depression, perhaps you can find solace and encouragement from my partner who has been supporting me through the whole ordeal as I banged my head on the walls, cried for hours, or tried to take my own life.
Here’s an interview with my spouse, who took care of me in my depression and other physical illnesses, on how he felt and how he coped:
Did you know she was depressed at the beginning? How did you react at that time? How did you feel?
At the beginning I knew something was wrong, but just thought it was stress or culture shock. At the time I just wanted to find a solution and was happy for Noch to stop going to work etc. I felt frustrated because I couldn’t make her better, and any logic I tried to use when speaking with her seemed to fall on deaf ears.
What was your reaction when Noch diagnosed with depression?
I think I was relieved, because once diagnosed I felt we could start to treat the illness properly. I didn’t have any problems with her having depression, for me it was just a sickness like having the flu. I even joked with her that all celebrities etc. have depression and need therapy and it quite trendy to be depressed.
What was the effect on your daily life?
The effect on my daily life was the biggest impact and was a challenge to deal with. Noch would burst into tears and have severe mood swings which I didn’t know how to deal with. I tried to say the right things, but it hardly ever helped. Then I would get frustrated and sometimes lose my temper and become angry. I’m a positive person and the worst part of all for me was that Noch would bring my mood down. I would get up and be excited about the day, but she just wanted to die, this was very hard for me to reconcile.
The migraines and associated physical illnesses also made it difficult for me. Sometimes I would have to leave work or a party and rush home to take care of her. One time I came home and found her semi conscious and the bottom of the staircase. I didn’t know if she had fallen or hit her head or what happened, so I had to carry her to a taxi and go to the hospital. The other hardest thing for me to do was to put Noch’s needs first. So even if I was at an amazing party having the time of my life, if Noch called and needed me I had to leave immediately without even saying goodbye to my friends. This took a bit of time to get used to without feeling resentful, but once accustomed to it I felt a sense of responsibility I’d never felt before and it helped me grow up.
How did you feel?
Overall I just felt frustrated. There really wasnt anything I said that helped the situation. I just had to be there. When the therapist first said Noch would need a year of treatment I thought that was way too long and an exaggeration. In the end it did take a year.
How did you cope?
I had hope.
Eventually I learnt to manage the situations as best as possible. So even if we had to rush to the hospital, I may take a few extra minutes at home to pack myself a few books or change into comfortable clothes. This made it easier for me to deal with the long stays in hospital. I learnt to watch for signs that a migraine was coming and take steps to avoid the triggers, and pack medicine and water all of the time. Also I learnt what treatments I could offer her. When she was crying and wanted to die and couldn’t sleep it was useless for me to tell her that everything would be OK and that life was worth living. She just couldn’t see my point. Instead I learnt to distract her with fairy tales and stories I would make up. I would sing her to sleep with nursery rhymes and relax her with massages.
Did you want to give up? Why did or didn’t you?
When Noch and I were on totally different wavelengths and she was bringing me down and I felt resentful I wanted to give up. I think i kept just saying to myself ‘lets give it one more month and see how she is” and I managed to get through. I was confident that it was a temporary situation. I had known Noch for 1.5 years prior to the depression and she was such an amazing person, I knew that with time she could get back to that point. I also felt like the depression would make her stronger and be a change agent in her life and so maybe was a necessary evil.
We lived together and had just moved countries together and were therefore in a committed relationship. So this helped too as I was committed to taking care of her no matter what. I think if it had been a less serious relationship I may not have been able to stick through it.
What advice would you give to other people whose partners have depression?
This is a tough question and it depends on the type of relationship and the stage of the depression.
Firstly you need to seek medical advice and treatment through medication and therapy. Be prepared to be taking medication and therapy for at least a year. We were very lucky in the fact that our insurance covered the medical bills and after trying a few therapists we found a very good one. I advise doing single (for each partner) and couple therapy and don’t settle for a therapist who you are not comfortable with!
Dealing with depressed people takes a lot of energy and commitment, you need to be prepared to put that person first and be in it for the long-term, i.e. you need to be in love.
If it is not a relationship built on true love and commitment then I would advise caution in being involved with a depressed person. If you do decide to end a relationship with a depressed person I would also suggest you seek advise from a professional on how to end or manage the relationship. Obviously a sudden breakup with someone who is depressed could exacerbate the situation and there are risks of suicide etc.
To all the partners and family of those in depression: there is hope, do not give up on the sufferer and find your encouragement from other people going through the same experience as you.