We all know the teenage years can be difficult, with unaccountable mood swings, periods of apathy, rebelliousness or anger. We have all been there, so it is nothing new to us. That’s why it is easy to miss the signs of stress and anxiety that can lead to depression in teenagers. We need to be attentive to what they are saying and to the way they are acting.
Take time to listen
The most important thing we can do to help our teens through depression is to take time to listen. At the start it may be hard to get them to open up, as they might be used to us in our parenting role of correcting or admonishing rather than just listening. They may not be used to the idea of our listening in a caring, non-judgemental way. In fact, our relationship with them might be one of their problems. They might feel they cannot talk openly to us because we would not understand. In addition to that, they may feel foolish and think we will make light of their problems and not take them seriously.
Hopefully, with kindness and patience, we will be able to build understanding, so we can help our young people get through this difficult period without any longterm effects. Once they see we are giving them this respect and are willing to work with them to get through their issues, they are more likely to trust us. We can then give them real support. If we cannot build this trust we need to find someone who can. They need someone to listen to them and to take their concerns seriously.
Here are some other things we can do:
- Encourage them to do the things they like doing
- Make sure they are eating properly and going to bed at a reasonable hour
- Praise them when they get things right or do things that are positive – build their self-esteem
- Encourage them to get help from a professional. The family doctor is a good place to start, but some might prefer a stranger. If this is the case, talk to your doctor and get them to recommend someone else. Maybe they can refer a professional who is experienced in dealing with teenage depression. Go with them so they do not feel alone
- If you cannot influence your child to go for help then you should go to get some guidance as to the next steps you can take
- Any talk of suicide or of people who have committed suicide should be taken seriously
- Any actions which have a finality about them should be taken seriously – giving away special possessions; meaningful goodbyes; getting affairs in order
In helping your teen through depression, you are really trying to change your child’s view of the world from a negative to a positive one. Mostly, you will be able to do this with love, understanding and patience, but if you feel the whole problem is getting beyond you, call in anyone who may have some influence on your child. Look for people with a special relationship – a school counsellor, a family friend or a favorite relative. Even if your child objects to involving these people, you still need to do it, as it could be matter of life or death.