Depression in Men Over 50
It is unusual for me to feel depressed but for much of yesterday that was my experience. Symptoms included irritability, tiredness and a feeling of a kind of nothingness. When a friend asked me how I felt I said, “I feel hormonal.” I realise that this experience is part of the process that I am going through for a man of my age. It is called the andropause of male menopause. Jed Diamond writing in “Surviving Male Menopause – A guide for Women and Men,” writes,
In many ways, the male menopause passage is a “dark night of the soul.” It is a time to do down and feel our emotions, to feel the pain from the past, and to deal with unfinished business so it can be healed. It can also be a time of rebirth, a time of letting go of old dramas so that we can feel the love that awaits us into he second half of life.
I feel withdrawn and I project my feeling of being withdrawn unto my partner. I do what depressed men do. They project their depression outward and seek to find someone to blame. In many ways I am not the man I was and it frightens me. I used to be affectionate but now I am not. Many who read this blog will know how I pay attention to lines from songs. The song lines I hear and pay attention too are frightening me as well. I hear them and I know they are talking to me and I hope that they will go away but they don’t The song that I hear now is one I haven’t heard in decades. I hear it in cafes and I hear it in shops. It is a song written by Neill Diamond. This song has the following lines in it.
You don’t bring me flowers You don’t sing me love songs You hardly talk to me anymore When you come through the door At the end of the day
This is what it feels like on some days and I want to run away from it all. All of this is a kind of internal combustion that in many men becomes a silent killer. They turn to some form of addiction or to another relationship in order to avoid feeling the pain and thus avoid crossing the threshold into the second half of life.
Yet I know the process. It usually, if not inevitably, involves the experience getting more intense instead of lessening. One does go into a dark night or into a dark forest. In relation to male menopause there isn’t much light available. It is for this reason I share this kind of non-event through this writing. If I can assist men, and thereby assist their partners, to recognise the process then in some way I am shedding some light into the darkness. I have no idea what such sharing will mean. I fear ridicule. I fear that no one will ever return to reading what I write because of what they will think of me. Yet I will continue to write about this personal dark night of the soul because I can and because it is what I want to bring light and healing too. This healing is not only for myself but for others who are not as able to share their experience.
I lived in a family where the word depression was taboo. I live in a culture where the word depression is taboo. My mother lived much of her life feeling depressed and feeling guilty about feeling depressed. She had every reason to feel that way but would not share it. It made getting close to her almost impossible. I learned to get close to her by becoming sick and manipulating her in some way. As a child I had what where thought to be heart problems. I never did have physical heart problems but the symptoms all pointed that way.
It is my intention to make the experience of depression and its association with the male cycle called andropause not the taboo subject it is. I have huge resistance against doing this but this is no reason not to do it. Even when writing about this subject I want not too. I want to write about all the beauty, the power and the grace available beyond the experience of duality. Yet I see so many spiritual seekers who talk about, and aspire too, the attainment of personal salvation and transcendence who are emotionally depressed to a large extent. What they want to do as many spiritual seekers wish to do is avoid painful feelings.
Male menopause can drive a huge wedge between a couple who have been happily married for many years. The man is literally taken into the dark and changed by a process that he will resist and that in many instances can destroy him. Women who witness this process say they want the man back who they once knew. They don’t want the monster that he has become. If it does not destroy him it will in many instances destroy the relationship. At this point I can see how easily that could happen in my own life. I am to some extent more fortunate. I have not let the issue drag on and drag on although it has dragged on. I have asked for help from someone outside the relationship trained in such matters.
It has got worse since that time I began talking to the councillor. Yet I know from experience that you very often take two steps forward and one step back. People sometimes feel that they are taking more steps backward because the process opens up more painful experiences. This is not necessarily a step backward although it feels that way. Sometimes you go deeper into the darkness before you get insight into the coming dawn. I have of yesterday taken one step back.
In the past I would have had another drink and then another couple of drinks which would have lead to some more drinking. This way of avoidance is in the past. Today I will take an extended walk to a holy well and circumnavigate it. Exercise is one key way of alleviating the symptoms experienced with male menopause and the experience of depression. I will try, as best as I am able, not to be rejecting. This isolates me and makes my partner defensive. Simple expressions of kindness help. Patience helps tremendously for both parties but is not an excuse for continued denial or avoidance of the real issue.
I will look at what is positive. While I might be in a dark wood my dream life is more than alive. It seems to be a preview of coming attractions. I had for a long time stopped remembering my dreams. I think that this was a response to the denial that I was going through at the time. Now I am through (I hope) this phase of denial the dreams have returned. This is polarity. What is avoided in the conscious mind plays havoc in the unconscious. Now that denial has opened up other options the unconscious has again become alive. I am able to do this because the length of time I have spent in honouring my dreams as a spiritual practice.
The 10th September, 2011 was World Depression Awareness Day. It was a day in which we where invited to try and make depression an experience we refuse to deny. It is in our interest not to continue to deny it because it is one of the highest growing medical issues in the Western world. One day won’t do it. Awareness of the symptoms and how they differ in women and men and the process involved will help. It is in educating an awareness of how the process begins and how it can develop is a beginning to the end, not of depression, but of the cycle what can become chronic depression.
The first step, and I think it is a big first step, is to be courageous enough to admit the feeling of shame that hides the underlying depression and which allows it to begin to become chronic and more difficult to shift. In sharing this experience of depression that is a symptom of male menopause it is my hope that many men and their partners do not have to experience deeper suffering and deeper dark nights where it appears there is little or no light at the end of the dark forest. It is my hope that they can avoid the experience at the end of the song “You don’t bring me Flowers Anymore,”
And baby, I remember All the things you taught me I learned how to laugh And I learned how to cry Well I learned how to love Even learned how to lie You’d think I could learn How to tell you goodbye ‘Cause you don’t bring me flowers anymore.
Heal Depression With Zen
Depression is a disease of the mind. Zen, which is about mental state, may offer a new perspective of the disease. You may even heal depression with Zen.
Depression is a devastating mental illness affecting millions of people all over the worlds. Depression is a mental condition due to distorted thinking. In distorted thinking, the mind does not see things as what they really are. That is to say, a depressed individual tends to “see” and “hear” things with the brain, instead of with the eyes and the ears. Given that a perception is a reality, the distorted thoughts create deceptive perceptions that become “real” to that depressed individual. Over time, these distorted perceptions continue to talk to that individual in the form of internal dialogues, causing more mental confusion. As a result, that individual begins to lose his or her own identity, not knowing what to do, drifting from one thing to another, feeling incapacitated in dealing with the problems of life. The feeling of inertness and the sense of loss are some of the common characteristics of depression.
One of the reasons why modern psychiatry may not be effective in dealing with depression is that it focuses on “analyzing” the mental and behavioral problems of the patient with the explicit purpose of helping the patient to “avoid” them in the future. But, according to Zen, that is exactly where the problem originates. In Zen, there is no such a sickness as “depression” because mental illness is no more than a condition of the mind with distorted thoughts of self and reality.
To illustrate, many depressed individuals have a distorted perception of self-worth: they wish they were someone else. Zen focuses on who you are, rather than what you want to become. Zen purges the mind of any low self-esteem. Wanting to be someone you would like to become is the source of pain — just as longing for things that are not obtainable, and expecting results that are not met. Once the pain is created, the patient or the psychiatrist begins to seek “analysis” and “explanation” of the pain, hoping to find a “solution” to the problem, thereby enabling the patient to “avoid” the pain in the future. Unfortunately, that becomes the cause of more pain and more mental confusion.
According to Zen, life is never a problem to be solved. If there is no problem, why do you need a solution? Life never has a problem, and if there is a problem, that is because you have created the problem for yourself. So, if there is no problem, then why do you need to “analyze” and “explain” the problem? The problem with modern psychiatry is that once you have created a problem, you need a solution to the problem. In attempting to solve the problem, you begin to analyze the problem and examine the options available to solve the problem. In the process, you generate stress, which only aggravates the problem. You become more confused and mentally depressed.
Live a life of Zen — living in the present moment, with no problems, and no expectations. You can heal depression with Zen.
Zen is about spontaneity — the naturalness of things. In Zen living, you do not strive to analyze or explain what happens in your life. You just learn to embrace whatever that may come your way. Life is to be experienced, not just to be enjoyed. Therefore, you do not try to avoid anything in life. Neither do you try to “accept” what is pleasant and “reject” what is unpleasant; the very act of “selecting” is a sickness of the mind. To heal depression with Zen, you must learn to let go — not just of the past (especially a traumatic past experience that might have triggered the depression) but also what you are afraid to let go. Once you mind becomes uncluttered by distorted thoughts, you begin to look at everything in your life in perspective. Once you see the priorities in your life, you may learn to let go of everything, including your past, and you are well on the way to healing depression. Yes, you can heal depression with Zen.
Positive Side of Depression We Don’t Think About
There is a positive side to depression although it may be hard to believe. Since we compare life to a journey, I would say depression is sitting down and resting on a sidewalk before moving again. If you feel that your journey had many obstacles like rainstorm, snowstorm, or any kind of storm, then you will need more resting time than others.
Depression, as I call it depression, adds another layer to your being. We are constantly moving or doing something, and it becomes impossible to stop and think what is going on your life. Most of us are unwilling to slow down ourselves. Usually something disastrous has to happen for us to stop what we are doing. Unfortunately, we are very much alarmed by this transient delay and are too eager for quick fix, whether it is medication, support group, or therapy. And, they are all fine except none works unless you decide to work on your issues.
You build a prison for yourself, and you are stuck. That is OK. Perhaps medication will help you get up in the morning. Perhaps you can have human connection you need from your support group. Perhaps you found someone you can trust with your therapist. Then, do what you have to do. Vegetate. Sleep more. Cry more. Feel nothing. Think about your childhood, your relationships, your family and friends. Think about your evil enemy, the one that got away, accidents and failures. Let the pain hurt you and hurt you and hurt you.
However, allow people in your life to express their appreciation for you. Let them call you and leave a voice mail. Let them email you to see how you are doing. Let them send you a card, a letter, an invitation even if they know you won’t be there.
I am not a therapist, and I honestly do not know what to do if you are suicidal. You should ask for help from a clinician right away. It literally is a matter of life and death.
When you are able to stop your movement and sit, after a while, you can see a big picture. You notice a lot of things on the road, and you may even be able to read a sign. You are the same person but not the same as before. Second time you have to stop and pause, you will have a cool look in life. You won’t be so obsessed, hyper, or indifferent. You will take life as it comes. Remember? Life is a journey, and you just had to sit down and take a break.
Depression Treatments Are Well Worth Trying
All natural depression treatments are available for those suffering from chronic low moods, which can hamper your life and the relationships within it. It is highly recommended for anyone with suicidal thoughts to seek immediate treatment with qualified professionals. However, if you have mild depression, there are many things you can do yourself to lift your mood that do not require medication. Natural treatments can be quite effective.
Exercise is the main natural way to combat mild depression. Studies have shown that people who engage in thirty to forty-five minutes of cardiovascular exercise feel their depression improved in time. This is understandable as “runner’s high” is very real and a well-documented reaction to cardiovascular exercise. Serotonin and endorphin levels are raised after exercise naturally as opposed to taking medication to do the same. Yoga is another form of exercise that can be very beneficial. The meditative as well as the physical aspect of yoga can help put your mind at ease in order to find peace and raise your mood.
Other recommended depression treatments include eating healthy and maintaining regular sleep patterns. Aim to eat a well-balanced, mostly plant-based diet and take vitamin supplements. Avoid junk food, processed foods, and high fructose corn syrup. Highly refined sugars will result in blood sugar levels spiking then dropping off dramatically, which will negatively affect your mood. It is also important to maintain regular sleep patterns, so establish regular times to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
Finally, it is essential to have a social support network to keep you busy and motivated to continue to work on your own health. Regularly see family or friends in social settings, or branch out to meet new people. Investigate your local community activities, join a book club, take a fun class on a new subject, or try volunteering to help others less fortunate. Active minds and bodies are less likely to suffer from depression. Pets may help as well, dogs are great as they are loyal companions and will need to be exercised on a daily basis. Think of your dog as a personal trainer to get the daily exercise and companionship you need.
It may be difficult to be motivated at first but well worth the effort to try these natural depression treatments. Regular exercise, good nutrition, regular sleep patterns, and social interaction will combat depression for those willing to give it a try.
Am I Depressed? Ten Common Symptoms of Depression
Depression is frequently referred to as a psychological disease. You will find various kinds of depression, varying from mild to severe. It’s tough to identify factors that create depression. However there have been many studies done to comprehend the underlying reasons for depression and to assist in preventing it. However with nearly 10% of the population suffering signs and symptoms of depression at any time, do you know the telltale signs that answer the question “Am I Depressed?”
The signs and symptoms of depression are varied and also the severity changes as time passes. And, experts say depression is definitely an inherited disorder, or triggered by life threatening ailments, or stress. Other causes are certain illnesses, medications, drugs, alcohol, or mental ailments. Women are noticed to suffer depression a lot more than males which is credited to hormonal shifts, menstrual period changes, pregnancy, miscarriage, pre-menopause, and post-menopausal changes. T better help you better answer the question “am I depressed?” continue reading.
The Ten common signs and symptoms of depression are:
1) Physical conditions like headaches, digestive complaints, and chronic discomfort without any underlying cause or stressful factors.
2) Suicidal ideas and brooding (showing deep disappointment of thought).
3) Extreme insomnia or consistent lack of night sleep
4) Unshakeable sadness, anxiety or lack of feelings
5) Overwhelming hopelessness supported by pessimistic feelings.
6) Extreme guilt, feelings of helplessness, with no feeling of self worth.
7) Affected by constant fatigue, lack of energy, a slower metabolism, and activity levels.
8) Irritable, short temper, unapproachable.
9) A feeling of helplessness together with an growing lack of ability to concentrate and indecisiveness.
10) Inexplicable weight reduction or gain usually triggered by appetite loss or eating binges.
If you think that you’re depressed take matters in hand and check out and eliminate negativity from your mind. Eliminate from your existence terms like exhaustion, worthlessness, and hopelessness. Improve your existence by setting a couple of simple goals on your own and go after them. Try to relax, meditate, and pay attention to songs. Start new activities that absorb your time and effort in addition to interests. Get out there and meet people and take part in group activities. Avoid associating with negative people making your very best effort to put yourself around positive, beneficial people. Make a decision to see a film, go to a ballgame, family outing, or have a picnic. Stay positive, confident, and also have belief in yourself. Belief itself is an excellent healer. Decide to modify your world for the better. However do stick to the doctor’s advice. Treatment may include: anti-depressant medications, psychiatric therapy, in addition to changes in lifestyle. Natural, drug free remedies can also be a choice to think about.
In case your depression gets worse or else you are suicidal seek the aid of your loved ones, physician or healthcare provider. Do call a nearby health department, area mental health center, or hospital or clinic. Someone will extend a hand of support and talk you through your crisis. Remember, if you need to ask yourself “am I depressed”, you most likely are and need to find immediate attention.
Depression and Anxiety – What’s Really Going On
Many people make their way into their doctor’s office with complaints of fatigue, anxiety, or lack of energy, drive and focus. In many cases, attending physicians dispense anti-depressants, (some times like candy) such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) as a means to treat their symptoms of depression or anxiety.
What these patients are actually experiencing is problems with the neurotransmitters in their brains, most notably Dopamine, Epinephrine, Norepinephrine, GABA and Glutamate. SSRI’s block neurotransmitter pathways and often result in a vast array of side effects, including sexual dysfunction, nausea, nervousness, weight gain and insomnia. Most often when people are placed on SSRIs they are worried about what will happen if they stop taking them, so they are stuck taking a drug with adverse side effects.
What is commonly missed in traditional drug treatment is that depression and anxiety are caused by an imbalance rather than a disease. When dopamine levels are elevated, anxiety or hyperactivity can develop. When Epinephrine and Norepinephrine levels are too low or too high, anxiousness, stress, sleeplessness, weight gain or poor concentration can occur. GABA levels regulate the activity of glutamate, which prevents over stimulation and effects memory and learning capabilities.
Symptoms of depression and anxiety can be treated nutritionally. Natural therapy minimizes particular neurotransmitter pathways instead of blocking them, reducing side effects and providing patients a natural, safe and effective way to treat their symptoms.
When a patient seeks the medical advice of a naturopathic physician for depression or anxiety, he or she is administered a very simple urine or, in the case of adrenal gland problems, a saliva test. Neurotransmitter levels and deficiencies are then measured through the products of the urine or saliva.
Once it is evaluated which neurotransmitters are off, nutritional therapy can help restore balance by modulating pathways. Compounds based from amino acids create this balance and are prescribed along with B vitamins and sometimes natural herbs.
Nutritional therapy helps restore balance to hormone levels and neurotransmitters. Every patient is different and requires different levels and combinations of amino acids and vitamins. A common herb that is prescribed to accompany these nutrients is Rhodiola rosea, a plant with adaptogen properties that has been used for centuries to treat depression and anxiety.
The average patient that seeks help for depression or anxiety does not have to suffer the effects and dependency on SSRIs. People can, through nutritional therapy, avoid taking pharmaceutical drugs and restore balance and health.
Postpartum Depression In Fathers
Any mother can picture the first moment they bring their newborn into the world and the breathtaking experience of taking the newborn home along with all the changes and responsibilities of becoming a new mother. Based on a variety of reports, postpartum depression affects new mothers up to 70% to 80% about the first week of giving birth and in a good number of cases quickly passes away. There are nearly 13% of moms who do suffer from clinical level postpartum depression, which lasts for longer periods of time. The reality is that this is a normal condition for countless women resulting from fast hormonal fluctuations and changes parenthood produces, but did you realize that postpartum depression can also happen in males? If this is the situation, how many males can pick up this disease?
While there have been a lot of explorations on the condition in women, postpartum depression affecting males is a factual incident and more frequent than everyone would have ever known. Based on a number of articles, postpartum depression in males ranges from 10% up to more or less 25%, which makes it clearly as bad if not worse than in women.
Because postpartum depression in males is a disease which has received little interest, there are fewer places males can truly turn to for assistance. Another known fact is if males do feel signals of postpartum depression, they are also less prone to talk about their disease as voluntarily as women would and more often less disposed to inquire about professional help. The most possible rationale this is the basis is because males would feel at a disadvantage when they present their weakness and may be embarassed of the disease, resulting in not treating the disease and allowing it to grow worse.
Causes
A range of studies done since 1980 through 2009 yielded some fascinating results showing that about a quarter of the males examined developed depression within three to six months. Surprisingly, several of the sufferers were first-time fathers. It has been hypothesized that the rationale most first-time fathers pick up this condition is because of the many adjustments and anxieties of their new parenting position. Also noted was that both parents conditions might directly have emotional impact on the others and trigger depression for the first-time father if the woman has postpartum depression. The reasons postpartum depression affects first-time fathers is mostly speculative at this time even though investigations have been performed as far back as 1980, the origins of the illness in first-time fathers were not researched in depth.
Symptoms
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The signs of illness in first-time fathers are similar to women but there are distinct differences. Usually, women would feel worthlessness, sorrow and anxiety and more often than not, so do first-time fathers, but distinct differences consist of a translation of feelings of sorrow to abandonment, anger and touchiness. Though these signs have been observed, results are still unsettled and more research needs to be done in this area to comprehend it. Postpartum depression in first-time fathers is a terrible disease and more often than not can result in ruining the family relationship with both the youngster and the mother. First-Time Fathers genuinely ought to recognize their disease and not be afraid to try to find treatment alternatives right away.
Identification And Treatment
As discussed previously, first-time fathers tend to be more ignorant of the disease than women who are able to discuss unreservedly of their disease. Because this is the case, it ought to be up to the woman or other family members to identify the signs of the disease and discuss with the man about his disease and make him aware of the disease. Once he acknowledges the disease, he should be open to treatment and should talk with his physician who can point him to the appropriate path for treatment. Treatment for postpartum depression may include psychiatric therapy and drugs or a combination of both. The quicker you try to find treatment, the earlier you can get on your way to a quick recovery and help you on your way to a normal happy life with your family.
Green Lipped Mussel Depression Treatment
Nowadays, depression is one of the world’s most common psychological disorders. Anyone who’s suffered from it, or knows someone who’s suffered from it, will understand how frustratingly debilitating it can be. Antidepressants are the most common way of treating it. But is there a natural alternative? What about green lipped mussel depression remedy?
The problem with treating depression is that there are actually many different types of the illness. Some people even experience anxiety and panic disorders along with their depression. This makes it more difficult to effectively address.
But what is the underlying cause of depression? As we know, it’s got little to do with “depressive thoughts”. People suffering from depression can’t just snap out of it by changing their thought process. There is usually an underlying imbalance in the brain that’s a significant contributing factor to depression.
An emerging school of thought, supported by a number of scientific studies, is that a deficiency of Omega-3 fatty acids has a lot to do with it. These days, many people’s diets are lacking in the foods necessary to supply the body with the Omega 3-fatty acids that it requires. Every function in the body needs Omega-3 fatty acids, but the body can’t make them itself. Instead of taking in good Omega-3 fatty acids (from foods such as oily fish) people are getting a lot more bad Omega-6 fatty acids (from foods such as refined oil), which is detrimental to health.
One of the consequences of Omega-3 deficiency is impaired brain functioning, which can even be resistant to the most powerful antidepressants.
The largest clinical study on people with severe unipolar depression (also known as major depression) was completed in 2010 by Dr. François Lespérance of the Centre de recherche du Centre hospitalier at the Université de Montréal (CRCHUM). It was published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. It took place over for years, from October 2005 to January 2009, and involved 432 participants. The results were very encouraging, but only on patients whose depression wasn’t accompanied by anxiety.
Therapies to Heal Chronic Depression
Clinical depression is an illness or a temporary state of mind that can be efficiently treated. It badly affects a person’s lifestyle and transforms it into complete chaos. In acute state of depression, a person feels extreme stress and secluded. He/she may also observe constant lowering of mood. It is often accompanied by multiple physical and psychological disorders that can obstruct day- to-day activities of clinical depression patients.
Depression has a variety of known and unknown symptoms that can severely affect anyone in different ways, depending upon the symptoms. The generic symptoms of depression are characterized by the feelings of extremely sad or worthlessness, metal turbulences, loss of energy and motivation, feeling low all the time, loss of appetite, physical aches, misbalanced thinking, loss of concentration, and mood swings.
There are a number of causes of depression such as:
- Depression can be a hyperactive reaction to a distressing problem caused due to sudden feelings.
- Depression can be due to neuro-biological disorder
- Depression can be a part of an acute illness baked by bipolar disorder or schizophrenia
- Depression can be related to societal concerns or abrupt failure in deeds
- Depression can be due to sudden feeling of excitement
- Depression can be due to self-loathing behavior or inability to respond to certain situations
Depression treatments assist in reducing the chronic symptoms of depression. Treatments may include a blend of medication, healing therapies, individual therapies, as well as community support.
Medication
Medication is by far the most adopted and acclaimed method to minimize and eliminate the symptoms of depression. Proper medication and treatment help regain psyche soundness. There are certain medications that directly foster brain chemicals to substantially restore the chemical balance that subsequently control the symptoms of depression.
Individual therapy
Individual therapies are considered the most significant treatments that can reduce the depression conveniently and re-engineer the natural balance in body and mind respectively. Depression therapists talk with the person facing depression. They discuss patient’s feelings, evaluate the level of depression, monitor their actions, reactions, and indulge them in the creative and intuitive thinking. This approach reduces the level of depression. Depression therapists include psychologist, counselors, clinical therapists, mentors, or motivators.
They can also suggest other therapies, tools, tips, techniques like video therapies, yoga practices to win the complicated situation. In addition, they can also recommend the absolute therapies that help to balance body, mind, and spirit. These experts properly diagnose people for other critical depressive symptoms and further suggest appropriate solutions to successfully cure depression.
Take Time to Listen to a Depressed Person
During our walk in the park Sunday afternoon, Sam (my dog) and I noticed an older gentleman seated on a bench by himself, watching the picnickers and volleyball players having fun. The man didn’t look like he was having fun. Sam and I couldn’t tell if he looked depressed or not; it was hard to discern exactly what state of mind he was in without asking, but to our discredit we didn’t ask. I am ashamed of that.
I thought about letting Sam nose up to the man because Sam is so danged cute and friendly he can make friends with almost anyone. The memory of that man sitting all alone like he was still haunts me.
Depression is no laughing matter, even though a psychologist friend and I used to joke around about him giving me depression screening to find out why I was so glum – usually because of money or my love life. Statistics show that 16 million people in America suffer from depression. Severe depression too often leads to suicide, the 10th leading causes of death in the United States. Nearly 35,000 people commit suicide every year.
I’ll never forget the day my mom came home from one of her housecleaning jobs and told me that the teen-aged son of the homeowners – a kid I knew from school – had drunk a can of a plumbing cleaner then shot himself with a shotgun.
I personally have seen a man who shot himself and a man who hanged himself. Those are not pretty or comforting sights.
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I don’t know about you, but I feel like I need to be less reluctant to approach people who are sitting alone looking glum. Even though a person sitting alone might believe he wants to be alone and might tell me pretty adamantly that he wants to be alone, I know better than to totally believe him unless he’s obviously working on his personal computer or has his Ipod screwed into his ear. And Sam is such a great ice-breaker.
I think most people who are glum or depressed just need somebody to listen to them. They don’t want you to bore them with your yakety yak. They don’t want you to solve their problems. They generally aren’t seeking advice, although one guy I got into a conversation with in line to buy our car license tabs told me about his marital troubles then asked me what I would do. I bought my car tabs and got the heck out of there is what I did. People just need to vent sometimes.
I have found out the most wonderful things about people just sitting down and listening to them. I’ll never forget the time I thought an old guy was a building janitor and found out he was a retired university math professor.
I’m pretty sure the people I’ve listened to really appreciated it when I just shut my pie hole and let them talk. We don’t very often get the chance to talk to someone who really listens.